Bubbles Always Pop
Throughout my entire life I have been concerned with living outside of the bubble, making sure that I would never be trapped in a box, or better yet sheltered. Yet as I grow older, I realize that I am stuck. I am stuck not within a societal confinement, but worse; inside my own contradictions, my own struggles, and my up-and-down emotions.
Perhaps some of my bubbles have popped, but for every bursted bubble, a new and seemingly stronger one seems to form to confine me. But I am determined to come out (not in a sexual sense.) I am determined to fight my demons, to overcome my weaknesses, and to change the liquid bubble barriers into gas gates of opportunity. (And that is about the extent of my physics knowledge.)
While I may be on a post-Rosh Hashanah morality rush, I truly am determined to uphold and fulfill these goals and changes. I am finished with living a life of indecision, of confusion, and of compromise. This is the year that I will knock down the barriers, the year that I will be strong, the year that I will actually uphold all my promises.
When I daven Kol Nidre next week, I will pray that this is the last year that I will make so many unfulfilled and empty promises. I really pray, with kavana this year that is the year that I am strong. To be fully honest (with anyone who is interested in reading my thoughts), this is the first Yamim Hanoraim that I have really been moved by the tefillot and the sentiment of these 10 days. While sitting in services this year, I began to cry. I cried because finally my eyes were opened. It was a defining moment in which I realized who I was, who I wanted to be, and what I needed to do to get there. It was a moment of true heartbreak and at the same time reparation.
So before I reveal too much, I would like to stop and wish everyone (Jewish and not) a happy and healthy year. A year of love, self-revelation, and fulfillment. L'shana Tova U'Metuka!
Perhaps some of my bubbles have popped, but for every bursted bubble, a new and seemingly stronger one seems to form to confine me. But I am determined to come out (not in a sexual sense.) I am determined to fight my demons, to overcome my weaknesses, and to change the liquid bubble barriers into gas gates of opportunity. (And that is about the extent of my physics knowledge.)
While I may be on a post-Rosh Hashanah morality rush, I truly am determined to uphold and fulfill these goals and changes. I am finished with living a life of indecision, of confusion, and of compromise. This is the year that I will knock down the barriers, the year that I will be strong, the year that I will actually uphold all my promises.
When I daven Kol Nidre next week, I will pray that this is the last year that I will make so many unfulfilled and empty promises. I really pray, with kavana this year that is the year that I am strong. To be fully honest (with anyone who is interested in reading my thoughts), this is the first Yamim Hanoraim that I have really been moved by the tefillot and the sentiment of these 10 days. While sitting in services this year, I began to cry. I cried because finally my eyes were opened. It was a defining moment in which I realized who I was, who I wanted to be, and what I needed to do to get there. It was a moment of true heartbreak and at the same time reparation.
So before I reveal too much, I would like to stop and wish everyone (Jewish and not) a happy and healthy year. A year of love, self-revelation, and fulfillment. L'shana Tova U'Metuka!
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