The Movie in My Head

Have you replayed an event over and over in your head? - It seems to be the theme of my life. I replay a scene in my head as if I am trying to edit a film. I go frame by frame critiquing, cutting, and adding. I am the director, the creative director, the actor. However all of the rewinding and playing does nothing to change the past. In fact, it just torments me. I assess my fatal flaw and that assessment taunts me. It appears in my dreams - my thoughts - my heart. It overcomes me. I feel my mistake, I dwell on what cannot be changed. My stomach churns. This thought cannot be let go of until it is replaced with a new fixation.

Tonight, will probably be no exception to my mind's play-by-play. I will close my eyes and my mind will just go back to where it left off - thinking and picking apart my entire life. Will there ever be refuge from this pattern? Probably not until I find resolution, peace of mind, better medication, or an acceptable ending this repetitive script in my mind!