Released Weight
I am the world's worst decision maker. I can make a decision and 10 minutes later I am able to talk myself into the opposite choice. Often, my heart and my mind refuse to cooperate with each other. My mind keeps going in circles saying, "yes, no, no, yes" and so on. It truly takes me an eternity and a half to make any difficult decision.
However I have come to a conclusion... (probably one that most people have long ago discovered) -- that it is crucial to go forward, not backwards, and especially not in circles. My internal compass have been off lately, and I am working diligently to move ahead; remembering what is behind, but not turning back.
I have recently made a decision. It sat inside of me for weeks, even months. It prevented me from sleeping; turned me into a monster; and took away my will. But in the end it made me stronger. And now that it is made, that weight has been lifted from my shoulders and released. I am releasing myself
Throughout Rosh Hashanah, I sat nostalgically thinking about the days of my childhood. They were the days where I was the rabbi's child on the chagim -- I was the child that everyone knew. I was a bit of a spectacle, but it was attention that I enjoyed (while I may have rolled my eyes at the time.) And now, it's not there. I am anonymous, I am without a community. It's actually an experience that years ago I would have wished for... to be able to go somewhere and have NO ONE judge me... and now that I am there, its lonely... but good. It's an opportunity to start over -- to recreate myself.
So here I am...bare. I am starting this new year as an empty canvas. I am ready to be painted, to discover, to be discovered, and to fill myself and my life with color. I am ready to make decision. I am ready to leave the feeling of loneliness, and to embrace happiness. I am ready to be strong. I have had enough of talking, its time to act.
So to everyone -- be strong -- do what is good for you
-Leora
However I have come to a conclusion... (probably one that most people have long ago discovered) -- that it is crucial to go forward, not backwards, and especially not in circles. My internal compass have been off lately, and I am working diligently to move ahead; remembering what is behind, but not turning back.
I have recently made a decision. It sat inside of me for weeks, even months. It prevented me from sleeping; turned me into a monster; and took away my will. But in the end it made me stronger. And now that it is made, that weight has been lifted from my shoulders and released. I am releasing myself
Throughout Rosh Hashanah, I sat nostalgically thinking about the days of my childhood. They were the days where I was the rabbi's child on the chagim -- I was the child that everyone knew. I was a bit of a spectacle, but it was attention that I enjoyed (while I may have rolled my eyes at the time.) And now, it's not there. I am anonymous, I am without a community. It's actually an experience that years ago I would have wished for... to be able to go somewhere and have NO ONE judge me... and now that I am there, its lonely... but good. It's an opportunity to start over -- to recreate myself.
So here I am...bare. I am starting this new year as an empty canvas. I am ready to be painted, to discover, to be discovered, and to fill myself and my life with color. I am ready to make decision. I am ready to leave the feeling of loneliness, and to embrace happiness. I am ready to be strong. I have had enough of talking, its time to act.
So to everyone -- be strong -- do what is good for you
-Leora
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